A Poem by Nikki Giovanni

I found this poem because I was selected to read it about a week ago now. I didn’t know until that day that I had to read THAT particular poem. Blame my mind not my heart, Lol. But Here it is…it – Touched me. 

 

Redemption Song by: Nicki Giovanni

Letter to a Bourgeois Friend Whom Once I Loved (And Maybe Still Do If Love Is Valid)
 
“The whole point of writing you is pointless
and somewhere in the back of my mind I really do
accept that. But on the other hand the whole point
of points is pointless when it’s boiled all the way down
to the least common denominator. But I was never one
to deal with fractions when there are so many wholes
that cannot be dissected- at least these poor hands
lack both skill and tool and perhaps this poor heart
lacks even the inclination to try because emotion is in
and of itself a wasteful thing because it lacks the power
to fufill itself. And power is to be sought.  ……
 
Or I must not deal with love at all. And if we are not
to deal with love then we must not deal with emotion
because if not love then we deal with hate or fear
or anxiety or just everything but The Problem which is
what we must deal with if we are to get back to love
and hate and anxiety and all those foolish emotions.
Which is what we’re talking about. And you are angry
with me maybe because you think I’ll get hurt
(if indeed you care) or maybe because you think
you’ll get hurt but not at all because I hate
because you know I don’t hate and not becayse
I’m violent because you know I’m not violent
so perhaps you are not angry at all but just give
slightly a shade left of a good goddamn what the hell
happens to me and whether or not I want to share it
with you and the truth being that I should give
a bout face and act like an adult except that adulthood
has no room for me because adulthood implies another
adult has to relate to and there are no adults
only children whose balloons are bursting spit
all over their faces and having never tasted spit
let alone eaten any shit or licked any ass
you think that liquid on your face is rain from Heaven
and maybe you hope if it rains hard enough
all the wrinkles will disappear and the fountain
of youth. having been presented to you by our friend
and neighbor, will be yours for-ever surrounded by
flashing lights on the outside instead of the terrible
hammer inside which beats the sweat or fans the cold
and sometimes buckles your knees. So we move to
needs which must be met and I confess with a smile
on my lips that my needs are far more important to me
than your needs are to me and even though your needs
mean something to me they are only important
insofar as your needs have a need to meet mine.
 
And your needs lack significance to me when your
need is to get away from me and my needs.
Which is why I’m currently going through a thing
which is the only accurate description of my emotional
goulash, as if you’ve never been lonely and basically
afraid but recognizing that fear is an invalid emotion
and so is loneliness but being afraid and lonely
nonetheless. I called you but you have a job.
Which is no longer inclusive of me or maybe I just
developed a bad case of paranoia which in the next
thousand years may be understoof by all the people
everywhere who can understand how it feels to be
lonely and afraid when there is no place for emotion.
ANd that has to upset your world which I fully intend
to do even if I don’t like doing it because likes or
dislikes have nothing to do with what has to be done
–even to you with whom I’d dearly like to do nothing
at all. My, but you hurt.”
 
-Nikki Giovanni.
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