I want you to reach out to me. (I minister to you and to myself)

revoltkerbie

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen,

I feel so overwhelmed with joy right now. I have a busted lip too, but I feel like God is so much in my presence I have no choice but to give God praise and gratitude for being Good and allowing just APART of GOD to reside in me; for I am that I am, made in the image of greatness. I just want to tell you guys about what has happened in my life because I want to encourage you. I think this is important because when I busted my lip about 3 days ago, and had to go to the emergency room, I saw someone who was far more worst off than I was. It reminded me to thank God, and pray for the gentleman that had a really messed up face from getting hit by a car. So I want to be that guy for a second for examples sake….

revoltkerbie

I want you to see me and my trouble, and most importantly see how I came out of it! I want you to see this and go wow, so maybe whatever I am trying to do can work out.

So in 2009 i dropped out of College. Then I felt like a loser, depressed, a failure, and I wanted to figure out what to do to fill the whole that I had created. Something that was always there was Poetry, as you know I’ve been writing since I was 11. All I wanted was a good feeling even back then, so I decided to bring my artistic ability to the surface for the purpose of showing my peers that you don’t have to conform to be dope, cool, or anything like that. Also I needed to see that I was able to do something. so I drowned myself in Poetry, baby.

realtrain7

I took Poetry and rubbed it all over me and swore I could walk about the earth only because this words glue is keeping you at a distance and me all together, and I have nothing to worry about it. I found me a job, moved to my own spot and lived, hit open mic, and LOVED IT. I got into a relationship in 2010 but it wasn’t serious. She believed drama over me during this experience too. However, at the time, the young woman really encouraged me, but somethings are just stepping stones to better places, even people.

In 2011, I started Street Poets NYC, the journey was amazing. Sometimes I had job, most times I didn’t. I was broke the entire time. I didn’t eat every month, I didn’t know where money was coming from one day to the next. Even at the PEAK of this experience I was at my personal worst. I was never able to make ends meet with jobs or other means. This duration as from 2011- 2013, yes for years. However, when it was time for Poetry and meetings, and to see my team. Lord have mercy all I wanted to do was drown myself in a good feeling.

revoltkerbie

During February 2013, the Police came and shut down the event that I had been working on for 4 years with my team! The show had grew from 3 to 300 in 3 years and the police shut it down, then I had to stop the show, and I had to go to court for the police appearance. Then, I lost 8 people from the team that I initially created for the betterment of ourselves and neighborhood. The same organization I had to go to court for, they gave up on. The same people I did anything for, they left me dry. Some even wasted my money and cared not about it after I reached out, and I still thanked God. They didn’t show up for Court with me either, I understood. Many of them left, without a word, and then started to talk shit about me and I didn’t even hear from them. Then I found out I was being evicted from my apartment, the dame place where I started my dreams in 2011. The same place where I met many of the people I love, and have loved by. I also didn’t have a job, (I lost my job in 2011). So I had to go to court for the eviction and for the event. Many court dates and no job. People were talking about me crazy, and making me out to be a monster. I had to encourage myself to keep going.

I cried every night. I smiled every morning. And My Family were as present in my life as they are in my blog posts.

revoltkerbie

Mainly I wished to achieve balance. The people closes to me killed me inside! How can people that you’ve given your all too, not even give you two minutes to let you know what is going on? People I HAVE given the clothes of my back, food in the fridge, money out my pocket to. They walked away, they were jealous or just had other intentions, they believed people who didn’t like me, women who never had a chance to sleep with me would say terrible things about me and people believed it! Yes, it even ruined my relationship.

Then I would hit the train all day and night to save money to find a place to move to, I would make about $200 a night (yes, this is 2014 I am talking about). Just riding the trains, lonely, hurt, black, and tired. I would just ride and ride. New York City was mine! I felt the love from no love because not being given a broken heart was a good feeling. I had help too, a friend of mine. He moved with me too. Then he left, he said I used him but then he said nah that’s not it, it’s because I didn’t tell him that we have to be low because we had to move ANYWHERE to avoid homelessness. He didn’t believe in me. He expected to be shit on, and I guess patience isn’t the key to all doors. So then I was left to pay rent that I couldn’t afford, but God is good.

Then I got a job at Pizza Hut. They paid me $8, and they didn’t give me many hours. I was never able to make rent, but I was so happy to know that Peace was on the way. Then THAT landlord told me I had to get out. I just couldn’t go through another eviction. I got the knock and they wanted me out in a week. I didn’t have any money or a place to go. So I quit my job at Pizza Hut. Then, I kindly moved in the middle of the night. A friend had a room open and that is where I am now. I had some money left over from the train to be able to afford it. While I was preparing to be out at the end of that week before I left. I went of a job interview everyday, and a got a call back from Google. They wanted to hire me. I accepted the offer. I had to be out that friday, I started Work that Monday.

Right now I’m making 20/hour. I have a place to live, and everyone didn’t leave; I still have a team that might be the strongest unit I have ever worked with and my heart is torn to pieces about it because many of the ones who should witness this, can’t. However, the real people who I love, and who love me back and still here.

My best friend Kush, She never left my side. I promise you that fact. So you will find someone who will love you with no conditions, and no matter what. So if you don’t have it in someone than THAT is NOT that person to give you that aspect of love that you need.

So I write this to tell you. Please, whatever you do. You have to remain who you are because people are going to try and change you and make you crazy but you have to go with it! You have to not fight the rough waters. I promise! Dude! You all that are following this blog you KNOW ME!!!!! You know my journey and now i’ve given you the details. God has been so good to me, and God can do it for you. Soon as you recognize the God that is inside of you. Please…wake up, prepare, and stay focused. Cry if you have to. I wish I could cry right now with you. Feel free to hit me up HrshReyalitee@Streetpoetsnyc.com.

revoltkerbie

The things that you go through in Life are to make you aware, and also to move you in a different direction when you don’t make the decisions on your own. It’s best to make the choices to move on before Life moves you because life will not be gentle. You have to believe in yourself when you don’t. You have to believe you can’t when every know KNOWS that you won’t. You have to believe you have it when you really don’t. You have to cry and remember to say to yourself that I’m alright when you wipe your face. You have to remember that no one else can take the place that God has assigned to you. What is your name? That is where you are. That is who you are. That is where you belong. You just have to LOVE you when no one else does, and you can’t count on the Love of anyone else because Lord have mercy what if they leave? You have to depend on YOU and the wind. Don’t put your trust in walls. I am not religious. I can’t stand church, but I was raised there, and the good book is right. Train up a child in the way they should go and when they get older they will not stray too far.

revoltkerbie

I really want you to know that GOD has greater plans for you but first you have to have greater plans for yourself. This year has been so rough for me. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. I am so ready for you all to realize how good God is and how GOOD you can be too. You just have to give yourself a chance. Give yourself a chance to get through the storm. Give yourself a chance to get better. Don’t cut yourself. Don’t damn yourself. Don’t leave yourself at the wayside. You can. You will. In due time. It took me so many years to find the peace that I feel today and I still have soon much further to go. I am no where near where my final destination will be but I promise you I know Love now. I didn’t know what love was before. I found out this year. I found out that Love is patient, Love is out of control. Love isn’t rational. Love doesn’t see with eyes or ears. Love only feels.

revoltkerbie

Please…wake up, prepare, and stay focused. Cry if you have to. I wish I could cry right now with you. Feel free to hit me up HrshReyalitee@Streetpoetsnyc.com

I honestly don’t think I owe anyone more than I own my best friend. If you have a best friend. Treat yo best friend right. People tried to take her from me. They tried to pull us apart and just when it looked like it was going to happen. They told her that I was going to do her wrong, and fuck her over. They told her that they loved her (someone she met through me) and that she should let them protect her. She didn’t believe it. She was pissed at me and didn’t leave my side dude. It makes me cry when I think about it. I felt like I had to take a blood test to prove I wasn’t a monster, and my best friend didn’t want the results. She just wanted to kick it with me. She could of left. She could of believed the people who didn’t like me. She could of gotten scared and protected herself and left. She didn’t, and I am forever grateful for that reality. I needed her friendship and she needed mine. She will be my nigga for life and idgaf what anyone has to say about it, or thinks about, or none of that. Me and My best Friend said Fuck nah, and that was new to me. I wasn’t use to someone coming back for me after the explosion. Usually i’m the one that has to go back and rescue but she rescued me. She let me know in her own way that We Niggas For Life, and no nigga that we met along the way is going to come between that. We will come between each other before someone else gets in the middle. I found out so much, and this is mainly because I gave myself the opportunity to listen.

Please…wake up, prepare, and stay focused. Cry if you have to. I wish I could cry right now with you. Feel free to hit me up HrshReyalitee@Streetpoetsnyc.com

revoltkerbie

If your sad right now, if your depressed, or maybe your looking for a job and need some encouragement. Maybe your broke right now in Brooklyn, New York and you need prayer. Maybe your crying right now, and you just need someone to relate..please email me. I am here to be a witness that everything will be okay. Don’t be afraid to reach out. I can only offer you my WORDS, but please take them, they are all that you need. – Shadel 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s