Sometimes you gotta get low, face in the mud type shit to really realize that yeah you can’t help where you are, and you might not have found the mud, but you put yourself on ya knees, and as a result fell in it. Stand up for your beliefs. Always, when you bend….your beliefs it hurts you… not the person you bendin’ for. Before you know it, you’ll be angry. It all starts with Your….You.
I looked at myself in the mirror 2 years ago when I was 25 and the person I saw was so angry. The only to things in this world as Love And Fear. So I thought about the things that I was afraid of. I was desperate to change. For Me. I really didn’t want to do another show, make another friend, be in another relationship before I was better.
Things have changed now, in a tremendous way but I’m in a different place but I want to talk about that place for a bit.
I was angry with a lot to prove to the wrong people. Now, your probably thinkings friends, and people you meet and things like that, no. I mean family, society, the people looking to me, the people who possibly didn’t like me anymore. I’m not saying these are the wrong people as in something is wrong with them, but these people don’t need convincing. These are the people that I’ve learned that have no choice but to take me as I am. It doesn’t matter if your really yourself or if you pretend to be something you aren’t. People have no choice but to take you as you are.
That was the first thing I realized, then I said. Well..I might as well be feeling the hurt that I do feel, and I did. I let myself not be strong. I wasn’t letting myself beating me about it. I finally say that it was okay to not be there so it can happen. So it can pass, so I could face it. I faced my personal issues, financial issues, family issues, friends issues, societal issues, intimate relationship issues; and dealt with them.
I realized the things I thought I would care about a lot like business matters, and losing colleagues didn’t matter. The matters of my heart mattered, my family and my intimate relationships. Losing friends and making friends were apart of life that I learned how to deal with a long time ago. However, Love… that is something that I struggled with up until maybe 6 months ago. I’ve been in love before, but didn’t really have a clear understanding of what love is. Now I know. I’ve always had family, but now I know exactly what family is all about. It’s like a light was turned on for me. The light would of stayed off if I didn’t give myself the room to be vulnerable..around myself.
Even my closest friends, I didn’t pretend to be okay for them either, I kindly requested my time to be me and see me, and reflect on me. I knew that rebuilding myself wasn’t only for me but for my greater good; the things I will contribute to society.
So, dive deep. Don’t be afraid of confronting yourself. Give yourself room to be yourself. Give yourself room to be free. Be honest with you first. Sometimes we hold on to things we don’t care about to run away from the things that hurt us. Don’t run.
Peace. Peace. Always remember to stay calm. Not only because it’s good for your health but because in a year from now, it probably won’t matter.